FILLING OUT MY BALLOT AFTER PANDEMIC GROCERY SHOPPING

If the president you want is not available, 

will you accept any substitutions?

But I already made that choice,

I wanted Warren.

Biden IS my substitution.

Maybe Green Party?

No, that’s pretty much wasting food,

I’ll come back to it.

Next. 

I don’t know who some of these people are,

I should but I don’t.

What if they’re delivered and I don’t like them? 

Then they’ll sit in my refrigerator and go bad.

Alright, choose by brand.

Democrat.

I’m familiar with it and I generally prefer it to the other brand. 

I may miss out on a good product,

but if it’s that good

enough other people will vote for it that I’ll get to try it.

Next.

Do I want more money for school and libraries?

Yes, 

unless I’m voting for a seemingly desirable product 

but they’ve tricked me by changing the formula. 

Like New Coke, remember that? 

That was like Trump, 

fundamentally a bad change.

Ok, Biden.

I will accept no substitutions.