Curses!!

I have a fascination with curses. They seem way less sissy than Karma. Karma, which I've rarely seen kick in, is a passive revenge. It requires no effort on my part. But I don't want to wait for the universe to do its thing. As far as I can tell, it doesn't. I want to cast a direct curse. That way, on the unlikely chance it works, I'll be empowered. I won't be a helpless Karma reliant victim.

To this end I have attempted to cast curses. Not many but, assuming I remember (my to-do list is a bitch), I'd like to cast more. One would be on the vet who was too self righteous to prescribe medicine for Spike she agreed on the phone could be immediately life saving. She didn't have time to see him before she closed for the weekend, and didn't want to issue a prescription without an office visit. Sure I could just write a Yelp review, but that's too much like waiting for Karma. Anyway, here are some of the curses I've cast.

In Mason lore, the "All-seeing Eye"
may be used for curses and controlling world finance.

I cast my first curse in NYC in my twenties. I was walking home from a babysitting job late at night when a man grabbed at me on the empty sidewalk. I ran and pretty much eluded him, assuming he even wanted to grab me not just molest me in passing. But then in a fit of inspiration, or a death wish, I turned around and in the most damning voice I could yelled at him, "No woman will ever love you." He ran.

It was an attempt at a full on gypsy curse, reinforced with the power of suggestion. I hope he remembers it and has turned his life around or knows the source of his woes.

Here's a more recent and almost accidental curse. One night in the grip of Spike and probably Leif obsession, I posted to Twitter a picture of us taken at a party after we'd already separated. Still, it's my favorite picture of us. We're with our little boy, Spike, and it's the photo I would have had a family portrait painted from. I wrote along with it, "Reuniting with Leif isn't going to bring Spikey back.", I guess to remind myself.

If you look closely, you'll see Spikey's wearing a tie.

Leif's new girlfriend responded to my tweet. I know her. She's someone I'd wanted to be friends with. As Leif described it, I hand out "be my friend" cards. Basically I decide I like someone, then try to make them my friend. She wasn't following me on Twitter, she'd stopped long ago, nor was Leif who'd blocked me on social media not yet invented. It wasn't meant to hurt her, but she saw it and messaged me (@beckynot'd me), "kinda hate you now"

My 78 year old building manager and confidant pointed out that's an ambiguous statement. But I didn't see it that way, I thought it was straight up hate. After all Leif hated me, I was the "parasite" draining Leif by way of alimony, and she loved him.

I unleashed on her a prophecy I'd held back from her till then. My under 140 character curse read as follows, "Seen through the eyes of hate, I must suck. Consider how many people he hates and how readily he could hate you." They aren't together any more, but I don't feel responsible. This wasn't strictly a curse as I wasn't trying to make it happen; I was just observing a possibility.

Actual photo of the curse.

But now I am the beneficiary of an intentional curse. The outcome proved more literal than he imagined, but it would give him satisfaction. Leif sent me an e-card a few months ago commemorating his last alimony payment and featuring a graphic of the Hissing Cockroach he'd paid the Bronx Zoo of New York $25 to bestow my name on (Get your own: http://tinyurl.com/z9lrkqa).

I assume he knew they were taking donations for the preservation of cockroaches (why for God's sake in NYC?) and wouldn't allow him to step on her. If anything they wanted her to live long, prosper and breed or they wouldn't have zooified her. Anyway, here's a picture I drew of her. I wanted to send it to Leif as a thank you, but I didn't. I knew escalating a war with someone meaner than I am, guaranteed I'd lose.

Ever since that card arrived in my email I've had cockroaches. I discovered the first four on my lintbrush, the one I keep so that guests don't leave covered in Isabel. They will be while they're here, but that should be a passing fact, they shouldn't leave covered in souvenir fur.

Would I make it up?

Just yesterday I saw a group of cockroaches slaloming in my sink. I never had this kind of roach action when I lived in NYC. They were lining up, applying through Craigslist and the Village Voice, to be my roommates. But I maintained a chain of roach motels and successfully fought them off. But I can't now. Whatever measure I take, they keep coming. I've been cursed.