Kittens

I have my period which seems like overkill, but this round I'm relieved. I had under-protected sex. I'm on the pill, but I slack. I tell a friend, "My backup method is that I'm 48".

"Good backup method" she says, not ironically.

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I have a job writing kitty articles but I know nothing about kitties. I'm observing them now at the Lange Foundation, which is also freeway adjacent.

Lange volunteers are discussing human menopause over my head in code, not because I am a new volunteer but because they think I'm younger than I am. But I catch on and contribute a thought, "I hear they're no longer prescribing hormones, just antidepressants."

The same friend who commended my backup plan now says, "done and done". She's embarked on menopause, but is handily already on antidepressants. So am I. They aren't working. I continue to take them along with birth control.

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My mother says I could still get pregnant, "with a mutant". I deflect her comment by pointing out that I could have given birth to a mutant at any time in my life. This may be true, but she specifically means Downs Syndrome. She is not politically correct. I respect this about her, though I'm not sure I've forgiven her for trapping me in Portland for a year. But she loved her little mutant so.

I don't want and have never wanted a mutant or even "healthy" child. I fear the antidepressants won't work for her either.

Kittens. I don't plan to have any.